Return to Poland....

After being away for 12 years,  I finally returned to my birth country of Poland. The last 10 years kept me busy working on ships and I haven't been able to visit. It is a bittersweet visit but  nevertheless I will make the most if it. I was eager to catch up with my cousins and other family and curious to see what my birth city is like these days.

Mom and I in flight

I came home from the ship early Monday morning, I had a few days to unpack, do laundry and re-pack an I was off on a long night flight on Thursday evening.

We had a four hour stopover in Munich, Germany.  I was really tempted to have a beer and a sausage but with the jet leg and the time change I was certain I'd pass out in the waiting area.  The flight from Munich to Wroclaw was just a bit over an hour. I was passed out for its entirety.

The Wroclaw airport has changed completely and it was modern, clean and up to date. Decked out in Christmas decorations it was really a great sight for sore eyes.

Landing in Wroclaw

Mom and Aunty at the airport

Airport Christmas selfie

We got to Wroclaw at about 4pm and it was strange for me to see that it was already pitch black outside. Being in the Caribbean year round I usually see sunsets at 7 or 8pm. It was also cold and windy, another shock to the system.  It was about 5C and that may not seem so cold but for me it's a big difference from the Caribbean heat.  The drive to the house was about 20 minutes. When I left Wroclaw it was this quiet and semi run down town, now it's an up and coming world class city. New malls and homes, highways and bright lights, this is not how I remember it.  The street that I grew up on seemed so much smaller then I recalled, the house as well.

My Grandma was overjoyed to see my Mom and I, she was moved to tears. She looked so skinny and frail.  I have always remembered her as this strong woman, she has always been my hero and now she is a shadow of her formal self. It was not easy to see.

After hours and hours of restless travel, I finally went to bed in my old childhood house.  Every nook and cranny had a memory. I grew up in this house with my 2 cousins are their parents.  We lived upstairs and they lived downstairs. My cousin Agata and my brother were only 2 weeks apart and cousin Zosia being the youngest.  The house looked exactly the same but just so much smaller.

I have always remembered the food being so fresh and yummy here. The fridge is actually tiny because you only buy what you need for the day. The market is down the street and you go in the morning and buy what you need for that day.  I joined my Mom and my Aunty for the daily grocery shopping. 

Poland is known for its meats and I am pretty sure I will never become vegetarian :)

Fresh produce practically at your door

My little shopping basket

I happen to break a nail (again) during our shopping expedition and my cousin made me an appointment downtown. I had a couple of hours to kill so I spent some time at "Renoma" and I was pleasantly surprised. Everything was so modern, neat and clean. Every store had it's Christmas decorations and lights out. It was beautiful, sparkly and shiny.

Growing up in 3 countries, it's always been a little weird for me to identify with a single culture.  People have always asked me where do I feel I belong the most and my answer has always been 'nowhere'. I am too Polish to be Canadian and too Canadian to be Polish, maybe I feel best while I at sea whee I don't need to identify with any culture.  As I walked around the mall I realized that my choice of clothing was very similar to what every other females my age was wearing.  Many of them were my height and had light hair and light eyes just like me. Maybe I wasn't so different then them after all.

Family Dinner

We had a typical Polish dinner of soup in the evening (Aunty claims it's Italian soup but it tastes like Mexican Tortilla soup to me). My cousin Zosia and I went to her apartment (her husband and baby were away) and we tried to put together Ikea furniture.  She claimed that it's just like playing with Lego but after 20 minutes the Ikea project drove us to drink.

Photo by Daniel Grodzinski

Moving forward, we decided to go "na miasto" which means to the city. Unlike Toronto where it takes me an hour to get to the city's downtown (which is only 25km away), here it is less then 10 minutes. What I saw was absolutely stunning.   Every Polish city and town has a main square or 'Rynek'. I always loved Wroclaw's Rynek with its cobblestone streets, historic buildings, street performers, colourful shops and outdoor patios. I love people watching and I could sit in the main quare with a pint of beer and watch the world go by. Now I have not been in Poland for Christmas since I was 8 years old but I really didn't expect the main square to be so beautiful.  There is no vehicular traffic there at any time which makes your stroll even that more enjoyable. When we walked into the square, I actually had to stop to take it all in. Before me lay hundreds if  not thousands of years of history.  Cobblestone streets and historic buildings all cast in the shadows of the brilliant Christmas lights that adorned the square.  A gorgeous purple tree stood in the middle and vendors had booths set up with an array of holiday food and drinks.  The square was lined with everything Christmas like you could think of. Families, couples and friends strolled with their furry winter coats and boots laughing and enjoying each others' company.  It really felt like Christmas for the first time in a really long time. It was simply breathtaking and beautiful.

One of the coolest thing in Wroclaw are these "krasnale" or dwarves. There are over a hundred of these magical little creatures all over the town and they pop up everywhere.  Here's a couple of photos of them and where you can learn more about them:  http://krasnale.pl/en/map/

Wanted to share with you some more beautiful photos of the main square, simply put I was enchanted completely.

Wroclaw's city hall in the background

While in the main square Zosia and I had Grazniez which is basically mulled wine

Famous Buildings Jas i Malgosia (Henzel and Gretel)

We spent a good while walking around the main square and taking in all the sites and sounds and enjoying all the holidays decoration and atmosphere.  Eventually we ended up at this premium mixology bar and it gets a little fuzzy there.

It was a great night and to the lack of dinner and time change, it ended at approximately 4am.  I spent majority of the next day trying to recover from this Polish welcome but it was well worth it.

The next day I went to the market as we do every day and found some interesting products. One fun one was the Champagne flavored energy drink which is so me and my ship friends. I will totally buy it and try it.  The milk refilling stations was also amusing to me and the idea of 'Fitness Bread' at the local bakery.  Hmmmmm....

Champagne flavored energy drink

Milk refilling station

"Fitness Bread"

Later I decided to take a stroll around the neighbourhood.  Even though I haven't walked the way to my elementary school in years, I was still on auto pilot. The cobblestone streets didn't change much, the sidewalks were still the same, all bent out of shape.  Polish people love starting business out of their own homes and many start them in their basements. A few doors down from the house is the ice cream shop where I recall getting ice cream each day when I was a little girl. I rounded the corner and kept walking. These streets seemed so tiny now. I recognized the houses, they didn't change at all.  I walked past one childhood friend's house on the right, another on the left.  I can't recall their names but I remembered what they look like and how we used to do homework together or walk home from school.  I made a right at the next corner and came to the church. On my right was the newly build church, on the left was the old one.  The old church was now a post office and a pharmacy.  It's so small, how did it ever house our entire community in for mass on Sundays? I remember going for my religious studies there. I also remembered forgetting my change of shoes one day and I thought the priest took them and kept them for himself.  I made a left and could see the school already. Back in the day this walk seemed like it was half an hour, it wasn't even 10 minutes.  As I approached the school, children were finishing their studies. From the front and the outside the school looked the same. The name of the school was changed as it was initially named after a communist. As I came around the back, the sun was starting to set.  I noticed they added a few things to the 'backyard' of the school.  This is the same school my Mom and my Aunty also attended, we were taught by the same teachers.

Random pretty shot

The elementary school my Mom, Aunty and I attended

I continued on a walk and decided to take the long way back to the house.  This part of the neighbourhood was developed after I left.  They put in new town homes. I was such a tomboy growing up and I was always hanging out with the boys and getting in trouble.  I remember playing in the sand and in the construction materials that were left for the building of the town homes that now stand before me.  They also built a new playground for kids, new store complexes, another town home complex and at the very edge of the neighbourhood; a new highway.  Across the highway is Wroclaw's Technological Park. Amazing!

I walked along the highway admiring the new homes, stores and brand new sidewalks where I won't break my face. I made  a left and recognized the mechanic (in the basement of one's home) where my Dad would go to.  Kept walking and recognized an old classmate's house, the old butcher shop and even the old veterinarian where I would take my dog Tobi for his annual shots.  Eventually I came back to our family house. I took a good hard look at it.  The Cherry and Apple trees are long gone. In it's place is a massive Christmas tree and grass.  My Grandfather's handiwork was visible everywhere.  He passed away about 5 years ago and it wasn't until he departed that I realized how much I am really like him.  His sense of adventure and travel, his do-it-yourself attitude and his stubbornness is something I inherited. It's because of his brave attitude we all ended up in Canada. He left in the late 70s to find a brighter future for his family and now I've made a beautiful life for myself as a result of it. 

The 4pm sunsets that are messing with me

The new colouful townhomes

The typical homes in our neighbourhood

My childhood home

Today (15th of December) I was recruited for the perogy (pierogi) making for the holidays.  You just can't go to Poland and NOT have home made perogies.

Dec 16th....I have spent the last few days on the down low just helping around the house and catching up on reading and blogging. My sleeping is still messed up and I thought that going for a run in the evening would tire me out enough to go to sleep at a normal hour, I was wrong haha.  It's not easy to run here as the sidewalks are from old times and not even but near the new highway they made new sidewalks. I must admit people looked at me a bit odd, perhaps there's not that many winter time joggers around this area.

I still can't get over the amazing food here. Now mind you after being on a ship and having a repetitive menu, even the most simple things tastes gourmet.  I went to the market again which is a few minutes' walk away and replenished our bread, cheese and meat supply. I better start running thrice a day if I continue to eat like this!  I was also paying attention to people's customer service. Fortunately and unfortunately being in the hospitality industry I notice EVERYTHING. I remember how awful the service used to be here and I have to say that it has improved! Service people are nicer and kinder and more pleasant. The smiling thing has  not happened yet and many people have RBF but I am pretty sure I am one of them as well, hah!

And I just had to throw in this cute little Christmas Reindeer up in here.

And  since I have been helping out with the "Wigilia" (Christmas) preparations, I wanted to share this with you. It is a vintage pepper mill and it is a pain in the ass to work. Nevertheless, as the household assistant I crushed that stubborn pepper. I do believe my carpel tunnel will be making a reappearance soon.

At the end of the day my cousin Agata dropped by. She owns a bar that I haven't visited yet and we were talking about our favorite beers. I mentioned that mine is the impossible to find Hoegaarden and she told me that not only her bar carries it but that we also have  a stash in the basement.  I believe it's been about 5 years since I have been able to find it so it was super exciting.

December 17th....Just another ordinary day. Slept horribly again, went to bed at midnight an awoke at 5.  Went to sleep again at 7 and got woken up at 9 to go buy food. Grocery shopping is always entertaining as I always find a sign or a product that entertains me, like this No Ice Cream sign in the window of the bakery. I had a champagne flavored energy drink and chocolate for lunch, Mom continued her Christmas prep with the Nalesniki (crepes) and I watched TV with Grandma.   I like the TV shows they have here but every other commercial is for medication creating a land of hypochondriacs, I guess that's where I get it from.  My cousin dropped by and allowed me in her stash of delish beer from the basement. Having a cousin that owns a bar is definitely a nice advantage.

No ice  cream allowed

Lunch of champions

Nalesniki / Crepes

My favorite: Belgian beers

Dec 18th - Today I went for an afternoon run. It was a nice mild 14 C (57F) and it was a pleasant run. Again a few people were looking at me in disbelief why I would torture myself in the form of running. Every time I go I run past a certain spot where I always find 2 men drinking beer and smoking cigarettes with their dogs.  Sometimes that's at 7pm and sometimes at 2pm. On my way back I saw a classic Polish car which we call "Maluch", literally translated it means "small thing".  In reality it's a Fiat 126. It's super small and affordable and it's most Poles' first car.  I would love to have one in Canada but can't imagine driving it on one of our massive highways.  The car can be from 1000 - 3000 Euro. Isn't it cute?

In the evening I went to the cinema with my cousins to watch a Christmas Romantic Comedy "Listy do M 2" (Letters to M Part 2).  As I watched the previews for other European movies I realized how little we are exposed to international culture and cinema in Canada and the US. I won't be able to find any of these movies in Canada and I probably wouldn't even be able to download them anywhere either. What a shame that our lives revolve only around North American culture, we are missing out. 

A lot of the movie was based around families at Christmas time and there was one character that was terminally ill and it was her last Christmas. This hit the three of us closer to home then we'd like. It will be our Grandma's last Christmas too. As much as I put on a brave face, it's impossible to prepare for the departure of someone who has been your hero all your life.

I must take a break now.

Bicycles have their own lights

December 19th -  Everyone seemed sick today and  I was doing all the errands. I got sent out to fetch groceries a half dozen times. Actually I don't mind at all as the temperature is mild and I enjoy walking and everything is rather close. Aunty sent me to the pharmacy on the other side of the neighbourhood. I noticed that a lot of people ride bicycles here, especially the senior citizens. Also a lot of people commute on foot and by bus. I like this, it's not so alien here as it is at home in Canada to walk on the sidewalk. I also like that bicycles have their own lanes and their own sets of lights, definitely makes it a lot easier on everyone.  Bicycles not having their own lane is a constant problem in Toronto.  I crossed the street and noticed the street vendors. It seems a lot more regulated now but it's not uncommon for people to lay out their goods on blankets and try to make a living out of it. Anything from clothing, jewelry, flowers, home made gems. I remember when I was in high school I bought myself a purple ring for a few dollars. But I was so proud of it because I bought it with my own money. It was purple and it looks amazing. I remember being devastated when I lost it but  I found it half a year later tangled in some necklaces. I bought that ring at that very cross walk, I still have it and I've been wearing it for more than 20 years.

Flower vendor

I kept walking past the flower vendor and kept looking for the pharmacy my Aunty sent me to. I remember there was  a cinema somewhere here.  Our Grade 1 (or 2) class went on a class trip to see Star Wars there. Movies back in communist Poland were not translated, they had subtitles at the bottom in Polish but we were all so young that we couldn't read fast enough. We had Mom chaperones sit every 5 kids and read us the subtitles, my Mommy was one of them. Who knew that I would become fluent in English only a few years later.  I smiled over my Star Wars memory and kept walking.

I turned my gaze to the right and I was flooded with another memory, this one was more hazier and the details are not as clear. In 1986 the Chernobyl Disaster took place. I was six at the time. I remember that the plant meltdown happened and we were not alerted for two weeks, in communist times everyone was kept in the dark. It wasn't until the abnormal levels were detected by the Scandinavian countries that we were told that we've been exposed. At that point I remember that we were ordered to keep our windows shut, not go to school or consume the food that we grew in our gardens. The building that I walked past on the right is where my brother and I and my cousins lined up with our parents to drink iodine to counteract all the radioactive crap our bodies were exposed to.  I remember it tasting pretty bad and Mom bought us Paczki to take away the taste. 

I walked past the Iodine building and came to the pharmacy, it was closed. Oh well, at least I got a walk down memory lane out of it.

The rest of the day I spent with my cousin Agata. She picked me up and we roamed the streets of Old Wroclaw savoring all the sounds, smells and sights of the holidays. I just can't get enough of the old city, it is stunning.  The history of the old world is embedded in every cobblestone street, building and street. When I left Wroclaw it reminded me a lot of Havana, Cuba; beautiful and historic but unkempt and frozen in time. Now Wroclaw is filled with hip cafes, fusion restaurants, themed pubs and upscale restaurants all nestled in between its narrow cobble stone streets. Wroclaw has become a world class city and the cultural capital of Lower Silesie (Dolny Slask) and it is simply breathtaking. Agata and I wandered around for a while and ended up having dinner at 77 Sushi, the idea of having sushi in Wroclaw 12 years ago was insane! But the actual restaurant, the food, the service were all outstanding. After the sushi we went for a walk again and Agata showed me some of the interesting pubs around. We checked out a Cuban pub, a pub fashioned after a green house and eventually settled for the a low key pub playing some good house and offered master mixologist cocktails. Nightlife never had it so good.

I wonder what it would be like to live here again?

New and the old, lit up tree with the City Hall in the background

77 Sushi

77 Sushi

Flower Shop

December 20th - Today I saw my Grandma from my Dad's side.  Mom sent me to the flower shop to pick up this gorgeous table Christmas arrangement. I was soaking in all the sites of the flowers as I was waiting for the lady to finish it up.  I love flowers and I love being surrounded by them. Polish tradition is to bring flowers for everything; holidays, visits, when picking up someone from the airport, celebrations, religious holidays, cemetery visits etc. I noticed an entire shelf with religious artifacts. Most Polish people are also deeply religious, most of them of the Catholic faith.  This includes my family who seems to get more Catholic the older that they get. I was raised in the Catholic church and went to a Catholic high school but my own spiritual views are aligning themselves more with Buddhism then with anything else. I do out of tradition celebrate all Catholic holidays and just keep my religious opinions to myself. 

Flower Shop figurines

So I picked up the arrangement and Uncle Janusz drove us to the other Grandma (Babcia) house. She lives in an apartment a ten minute drive away, she lives with my Dad's older sister. This woman is incredible! 95 years old and she has survived cancer at age 91. Isn't that amazing?  Her apartment was exactly like I remembered it. Not smaller, not bigger but exactly how I remembered it. Every photo was exactly where it was twelve years ago. So was every piece of framed needle work, every painting and every piece of crystal. Nothing has changed in Babcia's apartment. I walked around the small apartment in awe admiring the countless family photos on the walls.  Babcia herself seemed frozen in time. Despite of surviving cancer and losing some of her sight, she did not age a day in my eyes. I was flabbergasted. 

We sat and had some coffee and sweets. You can never enter a Polish home without having coffee or tea and having something sweet to eat. Every Polish home is always ready to receive guests. This must stem from the communist times when no one had phones. It was not uncommon  that family or close friends would drop by unannounced on the weekend, you always had to have the house clean and goodies stashed in the kitchen to entertain.  Mom and I spent the afternoon with Babia and Aunty Gosia, Dad's favorite cousin also dropped by. In Polish Christmas tradition we shared the holy wafer and wished each other good things for the New Year. As we sat around the table enjoying each others' company and catching up, I reflected a bit more on my visit here. Working on ships has taken me away from Poland for a long time.  Being this wanderlust kid has always made me feel like I don't really belong in any particular place. You could say that I slowly started to shy away from my Polish heritage. But now being around all these strong women, all these beautiful traditions, this strong culture with deeply rooted values, I slowly started to see why I am the way I am. I saw myself reflected in the people I have spent these last ten days with, I started to understand myself and my personality traits more. My inability to identify with one particular culture seemed to become a bit less of a mystery.

"Kawa" (Coffee) at Babcia's. What you can expect when you walk into a Polish home.

Grandma and Grandpa in their younger years

Every Polish lady has this collection of tea cups and crystal

Babcia's adorable kitchen

Mom and I took the bus back home. Walking down the street I pointed out  what memories each area brought back. Where we walked to Grandpa's garage, where we went for ice cream and grocery shopping, where we went to buy school supplies and books. We rounded the corner and we came to a a few stores in front of the taxi stand. A rather vivid memory was brought back for me and I am surprised that it's so fresh in my mind as I was only three years old when it happened. I was born in 1979 and Martial Law (Stan Wojenny which translates as state of war) started shortly thereafter in 1981. My brother was born in 1982. No one had cameras back then because they were just too expensive.  If you wanted photos then you had to hire a professional photographer. I remember being in the car with Mom, Dad, Uncle Michal and my brother and we went to a professional photographer to have my brother's photos taken.  Mom, Albert and I stayed in the car as Dad and Uncle Michal went to check and see if the photographer was ready for us. I was sitting in the back seat and all of a sudden chaos broke out around us. People were protesting, tanks were rolling down the street and the authorities opened tear gas on the people.  I remember Dad and Uncle running to the car as the crowds were closing in. Dad got behind the wheel of the car and forced his way out of the chaos that was growing bigger around us.  

If you look at these photos Martial Law / Stan Wojenny you would never think this took place in the 1980s, you would think it took place in the 40s or 50s. Poland was so far behind in so many ways due to communism. I remember everything being rationed. Each family had these tickets and that was the maximum amount you were able to get. You would line up for hours and hours and by the time you get in the store, everything was gone. On the bus ride home I recognized the bakery I went to as a child. I remember going there with Grandma Zosia at 4am and lining up in the dark to get our ration of bread.  I remember things such as ham being a luxury and they were saved and enjoyed only at Christmas time. I remember empty shelves and everyone dressing the same and driving the same cars. Communism insists on everyone receiving the same, you only had a few choices for everything and that was it.  Maybe that explains why I have such a hard time making decisions, I grew up with everything being pre-selected for me. Wow, what a different time that was.

The church which is down the street from Babcia's

I love taking photos of buildings

That moon!

December 21st - I met my cousin Zosia's little daughter today, she is adorable. Zosia came to pick up Mom and I to take us to the cemetery where Grandpa was laid to rest. He passed unexpectedly and I

couldn't attend the funeral, I was on the ship at the time. I took emergency leave for two cruises and I flew home to Canada to support my Mom, she wasn't fit to fly yet after her accident. I never got to say bye to him.

Grandpa was from a small village "wies" in the country called Krepice, population 700. It was about a half an hour drive from our house. I recognized Grandpa's brother's farm house where Great Grandma lived.  I also recognized the small structure on the corner of the village honoring Virgin Mary. Grandpa's grave was beautiful, it was adorned with candles and flowers. We brought a little Christmas arrangement for him and Zosia left him a Christmas Tree light last week. It was hard to hold back the tears and I blamed my sniffles on the colder weather. We said a prayer for him and then went on to light candles on the graves of Great Grandma and our cousin's husband.  I've only been to cemeteries in Canada and Puerto Rico but the cemeteries here are full of flowers and candles.  Families come regularly and take are of their relatives' resting places with passion.  Polish cemeteries are stunningly beautiful.

In the evening Zosia and I decided to go for a walk downtown to some areas I haven't visited yet. Wroclaw is an old city which was established in the 10th century, it's been a part of several different empires including Bohemia, Hungary, the Austrian Empire, Prussia and Germany.  It's rich in history and the cultural capital of southern Poland. The downtown area is in surrounded by a moat and it's buildings are historical monuments. The oldest part is Ostrow Tumski (Cathedral Island) where we began our walk.

To access the Cathedral you must cross the Tumski bridge or Lovers' Bridge (most zakochanych) which was build in the 1800s. I noticed that there were several locks attached to the bridge that I don't recall seeing before. Zosia explained to be that young lovers come here to put locks on the bridge so that their love lasts forever. When I took a closer look I realized that all the locks had the names of all the couples on them. 

We continued our walk across the bridge and towards the Cathedral.  It was a bit colder today then the other days (5C) and the streets were empty and quiet. As always, I was taken aback by the beauty of the buildings, old architecture always has a deep and profound effect on me. Cobblestone streets line all the streets of the downtown area including our path. There are several majestic statues throughout the area and we were passing one of them on our way to the Cathedral.  The street to the Cathedral was lined with trees which were adorned with Christmas lights. The sight was spectacular and it was as if the trees were lighting our way to our destination. I do not believe that the raw beauty of what lay before us could be captures in the photos features. It was stunning.

We took our time strolling on our illuminated path taking pictures until our cold fingers refused to take any further.  We arrived at our destination The Cathedral of St. John the Baptist, the stunning Cathedral that was first built in mid 10th century.  The statue of Madonna and Child is erected in front of the Cathedral. With the moon almost being full and illuminating the structures, we  were both amazed and overwhelmed at the powerful emotions that the Cathedral evokes.

With all of this history, buildings, statues, deserted cobblestone streets, I felt like I was in a Dan Brown novel in the middle of Italy somewhere.

We spent the next few hours wondering around Rynek / Main square enjoying mulled wine and of course enjoying more of the Christmas magic around us. 

We also visited the Hala Targowa (Market Hall) which was built in 1906.  I remember this being the place to get all of your meats, fruits and veggies and goodies from overseas.  Neither one of us has been here in 15 years. We strolled through to find stands filled with spices, chocolate and everything else you can imagine.  I also spotted some goodies we used to have as kids; Prince Polo and Inka. Prince Polo was the chocolate we all ate as kids but now was available in XXL and Inka was the coffee that we drank as kids. This kinds of makes me think why on earth I was drinking it as a kid but my Mom claims there's actually no caffeine in it, who knows!

The famous chocolate bar from my childhood

Stand with German chocolates

December 22nd - Today I decorated the family tree. I was surprised that we waited so long but I

forgot that Polish people really celebrate the holidays when the holidays are actually here, unlike the North American markets that start to infiltrate all the media in mid November. The tree came out a little minimalist and I would love to throw more on it but Aunty likes it the way it is.

Aunty is sick again, Grandma didn't sleep all night and was being fussy all day. I could see that my Mom was getting stressed out so I took her out to see the Christmas Market at of course my favorite place; the Rynek (main square). We strolled around and had some mulled wine, we circled the stands and sampled some of the food. We snacked on some Oscypek (goat cheese) from the highlands and bought some for later. We also bought some traditional Pierniki (Gingerbread) to take home with us for the family. And eventually we ended up eating Gofry (waffles) for dinner. :)
Just as we were on our way out, I spotted a jewelry stand. I've always loved buying jewelry here as it's all hand made and uniquely designed. I ended up buying two gorgeous rings and earrings for Mom.

Where Mom used to party back in the day

We kind of look alike don't you think?

The Opera House

Oscypek, the traditional goat cheese from the mountains

Piernik, traditional Christmas ginger bread

Gofry (waffles) for dinner

December 23rd -  I spent the day running back and forth doing grocery shopping. The lines were super long and my dear family member kept forgetting items. It took me five hours of going back and forth before all items were bought.  My cousins Agata and Zosia have a tradition of baking and having a few drinks on the 23rd.  I went to Agata's apartment and since I am a culinary disaster, I stayed away from the baking. I used my Christmas Engineering skills and decorated her tree instead.  We baked, laughed, chatted, watched movies and laughed until we each ended up falling asleep on the couch. It was a great night of cousinly bonding and love.

Christmas Engineering at its bet

My christmas tree napkins

Setting the table 

December 24th - This is the biggest day Wigilia in Polish culture.  People cook and bake days if not a 12 dishes are prepared for the dinner (12 for the numbers of months in the year and the apostles), the dinner begins when the first star appears in the sky.  There usually an extra place setting for Jesus or someone who may  be alone for Wigilia and may show up unexpectedly. There's also some hay, usually under the table cloth, to represent the hay in Jesus' manger.  Usually the eldest or the head of the family leads everyone in prayer.  Before you sit down to eat, you go and share a wafer with everyone around the table. You tell the other person what you wish for them in the upcoming year and exchange an embrace.  You then sit down to the meal and eat until you can not eat anymore, you should try a bit of every one of the 12 dishes. Normally after the meal the presents would be opened and you sing Christmas carols. You need a full week in advance to prepare for this day. The tradition is that you fast all day and refrain from eating meat.

Traditional Barszcz / Borsch

We decided that this year we would not exchange presents, we only bought presents for the youngest member of our family; 13 month old Marcysia (Marcelina).  My Mom and my Aunty did most of the cooking and Agata and Zosia did the baking.  As tradition calls, we broke the wafer and shared good wishes with one another.  Grandma was the most alert I have seen her in days. A shy smile broke out on her face and her eyes shined of happiness. It has been 28 years since we have all had Wigilia together. I watched as little Marcysia kept extending her hand towards Grandma for more of the Christmas wafer, Grandma was glowing with content, I even saw her move her feet which she hasn't done since I have arrived.  Grandma has been so quiet the last few weeks but she spoke up today. She told us how happy she was to see us all together and how wonderful the Christmas dinner turned out. Seeing her so full of life and so happy brought tears to my eyes. This really felt like Christmas. No commercial bull shit, no presents, no politics just family enjoying family.

It was wonderful. I am happy, I am at peace.

My favorite Christmas dish

December 27th - I have spent the last few days stuffing my face with leftovers, spending time with Grandma and with my cousins.  It's incredible how 12 years have gone by and we are so much closer now then we have ever been before.  Now as adults we have all this experiences we can talk about that we didn't have before, we relate to each other in completely different ways then when we were younger.  In them I have found this friendship that we didn't have before. It's like now we choose to be friends not because we are family but because we have found something in each other that we really admire. For this I am truly grateful.

The sunset from Marcin's backyard

Marcin and Agnieszka's families

Today I also saw other cousins that I didn't get a chance to see yet. Agnieszka came to pick me up with her two kids and we drove half an hour out of the city to meet her brother Marcin, his wife and his two kids. They just moved to Poland from Ireland and they moved into their new home just half a year ago.  Their house was amazing and modern but far from the city in an area surrounded by the forest.  Their back porch leading to their back yard into an open space that displayed the most colourful sunset.  Last time I saw Agnieszka and Marcin we were drinking beer and doing shots in the Rynek. No one was married and no one had kids, times have certainly changed. We sat around and drank coffee and ate sweets and talked for hours and hours.  Agnes asked me how I feel being in Poland after all of these years.   Despite the fact that I came here to say good bye to Grandma, I feel really good here.  I always try to find the silver lining in everything and although it's hard to do that in cases when one is terminally ill,  I have to say that coming here has done so much for me.  I have been able to build strong relationships with my cousins again, I have gotten in touch with my culture and for the first time in my life and I finally feel comfortable in the country that I was born in.  I feel like I can understand myself a bit better and understand why I am the way I am.  I have a greater sense of my own identity and for the first time in many, many years I can say that I can once again identify as being part Polish.  Agnes also asked me if I see myself ever living here again and without thinking I said Yes.  You never know what the future may hold and the possibilities are endless.

December 28th - I will be going home soon. Three weeks went by too fast. It seems like I just got used to the time difference.  I feel a negative energy in the house.  It could be the full moon or it could be that Grandma is getting weaker.  I know that in two days I will have to say bye to Grandma and that will be it, forever. I am a strong person, I have to be with all that I have seen and done in my life. But as I write this, I can not control the tears coming down my face and I don't know how I will control my emotions when I say bye to her in a few days.  I don't want her to see my like this, I can't let her see me like this.

I need to take another break.

December 28th - I have decided not to go to Las Vegas on the 31st. I am so physically and emotionally spent. I just want to go to a log cabin in the middle of the woods and read books all day and do yoga.

Today I went to say bye to my other Grandma.  She was also ill but at the tender age of 92 she managed to kick cancer's ass. She is now 95 and looks like she is 70, I only wish that my other Grandma had the same luck with cancer.

We spent a few hours with Granda and Aunty having coffee and cake.  They adorned their table with a few branches of a Christmas Tree and Grandma's beautiful hand made angels.  She gave me two to take home to my little niece. We set our good byes and Grandma gave me four hugs, I hope I get to see her again.

From Grandma's and Aunty's we walked to the next locale; another Aunty and Uncle's house.  They are actually not our relatives but they are my parents' best friends and their kids and us great up together. As far as I am concerned, they are family and their kids are my cousins.  We chatted and drank home made liqueurs for hours.  I told them about the Triumph fire and we talked about all the cancer that seems to be plaguing everyone around us these days. Chernobyl came up again. I wonder if the Chernobyl plant meltdown is the reason why so many Poles have cancer right now?

It was nice to catch up with everyone. Tomorrow is my last day and packing will begin. Zosia and Agata will come by and I will have to say the hardest Goodbye I have had to say so far. I need strength.

December 29th - I spent the day packing and doing grocery shopping for Mom and Grandma so they

Grzaniec with Agata

wouldn't have to lug heavy things. My flight was leaving at 6 am so I had to get up at 3am. I ate dinner with the family, packed my bags and went for mulled wine with Agata.

It was time to sleep and help Grandma with her nighttime rituals. The dreaded moment has come, the moment when I have to say Bye to her.  I know I am a strong individual and I prayed that I could say strong and tear free just for this moment,  I didn't want her to see me cry, I didn't want Mom to see me cry.  I helped Grandma in to her bed and held her hand. I looked her in the eyes and whatever words I meant to say came out in an emotional blubber. I kissed her on the forehead like I always did and in her weakened voice she wished me a safe journey.  Hot tears were now streaming down my face at an uncontrollable rate. I kissed her forehead five more times and left the room. I went to my room,

sat at my desk, stared at the wall and let out all the tears that were festering in me for so many months. I believe that as soon as I leave, her time will come. She was admitted to the hospital the day I left.

The journey home was a long and tiring one. I had a 6am flight to Munich, a 4.5 hour layover and a 9 hour flight back to Toronto.  I was tired and emotionally spent and I had a lot of time to reflect on my trip to Poland.

It was a good trip, bittersweet in many ways. I came to take care of Grandma and say good bye to her but the trip was so much more then that.

Polish goodies at the airport

In my crazy seafaring life, I think I started to forget that I am Polish. There was no one Polish around me, no one spoke the language and over time I felt it was harder and harder to express myself in my own native language. The rare time that we did have Poles onboard, I couldn't identify with them and I would only see myself as a Canadian. Having gone back this time gave me the opportunity to explore my own culture as an adult. I have always loved history but walking around the Rynek and Ostrow Tumski and learning about it's history made me realize what a deep and rich history Poland has. Spending time with my cousins and friends made me realize I am really not that much different from them. Having spent Christmas in Poland was a true cultural experience. Although I was familiar with all the Christmas traditions, they only seemed to take life now.   Christmas for the first time since my childhood was magical. There were no presents just family and food, a lot of food! But the ritual of preparing food for Wigilia was a special experience in itself.  A good week in advance I was cooking with Mom and then Aunty preparing for the feast of the dinner, then baking with the cousins. The whole cooking and baking

In case you need kolbasa on your flight

ritual was amazing. The house was filled with these incredible Christmas smells every day. There was no commercialization of the holidays, people were not running around all stressed out trying to find the perfect gift, it was all about family.  I really felt like I woke up and started to remember what it is like to be Polish.  My sense of cultural belonging and identity have once more been awakened. I found new pride in who I am as a Polish-Canadian woman and how I fit into my myriad of cultures. So although us Canadians and Americans may get caught up in our crazy fast paced world, don't forget where you come from. Learn about your roots and get in touch with you culture. It will enrich you in ways you can't imagine.

Typical Polish crafts

Typical Polish craft

 Don't take people for granted. Live your life. Wear your "good" clothes. Go on that vacation you've always wanted. Don't stress over bull shit. Forgive everyone everything. Be grateful for what you have. Surround yourself with people that love you, spend time with them and tell them how important they are to you. Take care of yourself. Make your dreams happen. Don't wait until "maybe one day", do it now because life is short. You never know when the man upstairs will take you or your loved ones away. Live your life, but really live it to the fullest because tomorrow is never guaranteed.  
I am really glad I got the time with Grandma that I did.  But it was difficult to watch someone that has always been so strong and so capable of doing anything succumb to illness.  This is a woman who was orphaned at a young age and raised herself by working on farms for food and shelter.  She survived World War II. She was so poor that her and Grandpa made their own wedding rings.  Grandma along with Grandpa and their daughters built their home with their own hands. From the rubble of a basement the Germans left behind to the very top of the second floor, the childhood home I lived in.  She survived Martial Law and immigrated to Canada so that her kids and grandkids could have a better life. She worked hard in her new country to make a living from scratch. Yes, my Grandma could do anything. She as so strong and my hero. She has led a life many would not be able to cope with. But she did it and didn't even bat an eyelash. My Grandma, my hero.

Grandma, Grandpa, Mom and Aunty

Grandma on her journey to Canada

I sat at the airport for a few minutes in silence and reflected. I learned more in the last three weeks then I did all year long.  As I gathered my belongings and boarded my first fight,  I thought about how important your roots and your family is.

As we enter 2016, I wish for all of us to spend less time on petty material shit and value more our roots, family and friends and the time we spend with them.

I wish you all a healthy, prosperous and happy New Year of 2016.

Wroclaw

My brother, cousins and I in our childhood home