Being a sailor isn't always all that it's cracked up to be...

I know that to many the life of a cruise ship crew member seems glamorous and it many ways it is. Especially for me since I'm a senior officer. I see beautiful and exotic places, I  meet amazing people. I'm in a well respected position. I have a housekeeper, someone does my laundry, someone cooks for me, someone serves me food. I enjoy my friends while we enjoy the ship entertainment and dine in fine restaurants and drink expensive  cognacs and wines on our executive cards. And on top of that I get paid for it. Sounds good Doesn't it?

It does. But you know what doesn't sound good? When you get a phone call or email from home and something has gone wrong. And something IS wrong at home.

My Dad had been admitted to the emergency room and waiting for heart surgery.  He had always taken good care of himself, always active and keeping a good diet. Routine tests showed he had a serious problem.

I know he is in good hands. He's at one of the best cardiac hospitals in the province. I know the surgery is a standard one there are minimal chances of death. But being so far away makes me nervous and emotional.  Dark thoughts come into mind and I try my best to push them away. But it's hard. So hard. I try to look at what is good; he is healthy, this is preventative, he is in good hands, he is in Canada. 

There were a few days that I was a mess.     I locked myself in the cabin and cried. I tried my best to stay mindful and renown present but it wasn't easy.

Should I go or should I stay? 

I started to get really bad headaches and insomnia. 

After a few days I calmed down. I started to busy myself with work and friends. I went out a few times, the sunshine always makes me feel better. Kept my schedule full so not to think about Dad.

His surgery is tomorrow, please keep him in your prayers and your positive thoughts.