Saturday, March 31, 2007

seafarer's poem

Last night as I lay sleeping
I died or so it seemed,
Then I went to heaven
But only in my dream
Up there St. Peter met me
Standing at the pearly gates,
He said "I must check your record
Please stand here and wait."
He turned and said "Your record
Is covered with terrible flaws,
On earth I see you rallied
for every losing cause,"
I see that you drank alcohol
And smoked and used drugs too,
Fact is, you've done everything
A good person should never do.
We can't have people like you up here
Your life was full of sin,
Then he read the last of my record
Took my hand and said "Come in."
He led me up to the big boss and said
"Take her in and treat her well,"
She used to work on cruise ships.
She's done his time in hell"

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

some good quotes

Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats.
-- Howard Aiken

Disobedience, in the eyes of anyone who has read history, is man's original virtue. It is through disobedience and rebellion that progress has been made.
-- Oscar Wilde, The Soul of Man Under Socialism

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.
-- Mark Twain

If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much.
-- Donald H. Rumsfeld, US Secretary of Defense

He who praises you for what you lack wishes to take from you what you have.
-- Don Juan Manuel

Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
-- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

Saturday, February 03, 2007

My Fine is $355.60

Smoked pot -- $10
Did acid -- $5
Ever had sex at church -- $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you -- $40
Had sex with someone on MySpace -- $25
Had sex for money -- $100
Ever had sex with the a Puerto Rican -- $20
Vandalized something -- $20
Had sex on your parents' bed -- $10
Beat up someone -- $20
Been jumped -- $10
Crossed dressed -- $10
Given money to stripper -- $25
Been in love with a stripper -- $20
Kissed some one who's name you didn't know -- $0.10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work -- $15
Ever drive drunk -- $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk -- $50
Used toys while having sex -- $30
Got drunk, passed and don't remember the night before -- $20
Went skinny dipping -- $5
Had sex in a pool -- $20
Kissed someone of the same sex -- $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex -- $20
Masturbated -- $10
Done oral -- $5
Got oral -- $5
Done / got oral in a car while it was moving -- $25
Stole something -- $10
Had sex with someone in jail -- $25
Made a nasty home video -- $15
Had a threesome -- $50
Had sex in the wild -- $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex -- $25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars -- $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older -- $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 -- $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time -- $50
Said you love someone but didn't mean it -- $25
Went streaking -- $5
Went streaking in broad daylight -- $15
Been arrested -- $5
Spent time in jail -- $15
Peed in the pool -- $0.50
Played spin the bottle -- $5
Done something you regret -- $20
Had sex with your best friend -- $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work -- $25
Had anal sex -- $80
Lied to your mate -- $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good -- $25

Tally it up and Re-Post it as..."My Fine Is..."